Monday, December 22, 2008


All summer I have wondered what the Karmic lesson is in my getting fired. I mean it was such a cruel firing... defamation of character, lies, falsifying health insurance papers. I mean these people were cruel, really cruel.

When things are very emotionally intense I always figure theres a karmic lesson in the situation at least. The pain must teach me something, or else why not off with my head?

So the lesson is this

Well 2 lessons. I had to stay alive to read Marley and Me by John Grogan. I actually Laughed out loud many times in the park. I NEVER laugh out loud, chuckle, smile. But I was ROFLMAO. This is worth staying alive to read.

The second lesson is about love. (Are there any other lessons that hurt so bad???????)

I have been married to my psychotherapy positions. WOW. I got out of acting/performing in 2000 cause I was married to that. Instead of a wife I was married to the stage and damn it I wanted a set of matching dishes and towels, and furniture that we BOTH pick out. I didn't WANT to travel alone any more. So I figured a switch might help.

Well See I have this issue of Dissociation. i often forget what I just said or decided (that's where writing is REALLY helpful). So for 8 years i just married social work instead. Trauma, a specialty close to my heart replaced acting and singing and dancing. So instead of performing about these issues, I was caring for others who are dealing with them.

Again I got married to work.

Well work doesn't keep me warm at night, or hug me and kiss me. Work doesn't bring me flowers, and work sure as hell is NOT going to buy matching dishes with me.

Work will move into my head and take up all of the space so i won't look for love in real places. Work will make me go the the hardware store for love; not the love department. Work wants me all for itself.

oh hell work can be worse than drinkin and cutting and drugs too. Cause there is such a need to work hard there are all these bills to pay see.

Again I repeat, like empty liquor bottles, used up drugs, and bloddy razor blades... none of that including work will kiss me at the end of the day and tell me I am ok just the way I am. Work won't love me cause I am me. Love will love me cause i am me. And from this day forward I have the intention (nb: not perfection) to look for love in the LOVE department, not the hardware store.

No comments:

Post a Comment